9 hours ago
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Tear jerker
So CMT's top 20 countdown was playing while I was doing dishes this morning and THIS video came on. Chandler asked me "If we go to that gate will our Daddy come too?"
As if the song doesn't make you cry enough!
As if the song doesn't make you cry enough!
Friday, October 30, 2009
This man...
Makes his wife his second priority and loves her with a fiery passion.
Is the kind of Dad every kid wishes they had.
Is a hard worker. A provider.
Is gentle.
Cares about everyone else first.
Always gives 100% in everything he does.
He is so quick to forgive and never judges.
He has a servants heart.
He has a cute dimple and the most beautiful blue eyes with little flecks of gold in the sun.
I'm crazy about him. He has my utmost respect. He makes me a better person. I am so lucky.
I love this man.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
whip lash
Alright SO imagine it being THAT time of the month all. the. time. My mood swings are giving me whip lash! Good day, bad day, good day, bad day, I'm so happy, I'm so sad, I'm doing great, this sucks so much. For all the people that have to be around me or that read my status updates on FB I am so sorry in advance. A lot of the time I just want to say to people "Do you mind if we take a 6 month break too?" Like just put all my friendships and relationships on hold till Jasper got home. I don't want anyone to know me like this. I feel like such a drain. I really am a nice person to know, I promise. Maybe that's why some military people love moving around so much because they embarress themselves one place probably by a deployment or something like that and then they get to "start over" somewhere else. The thing is, I really like all my friends. I've never had so many people in my life that I really loved so much so I just kinda wanna put all of them on hold and come back when I'm not being such an emotional roller coaster.
It's midnight. I was stuck off base with three kids at 10:30pm because I forgot my dumb ID. It was a hard day, good evening, and a bad night. Too much for me. I'm going to bed. PLLLEEEASE sleep tonight little children.
It's midnight. I was stuck off base with three kids at 10:30pm because I forgot my dumb ID. It was a hard day, good evening, and a bad night. Too much for me. I'm going to bed. PLLLEEEASE sleep tonight little children.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
1 week down 26 (or so) to go...
It's a long one! I mean REALLY long.
Looks like I've made it through what people say is the "hardest" week of a deployment. I've come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as the "hardest" week- but that's another story and completely depends on the family I suppose.
We woke up at 3:30am on Tuesday morning of last week and with very heavy hearts we drove Jasper to the Airport. We all got our "boarding passes" (they let spouses and children of people deploying through to the gate to say goodbye) and walked him to his "big jet". It was all a rush and happened so quickly that it seemed like kind of a blur to me. He wrapped his arms around me and with all my might I tried to soak in every ounce of this "last hug". The way it felt, the way he smelled, how we fit like a perfect puzzle piece. Tears burned my cheeks and I said good bye to my best friend. Chandler handled it well and was ready to take his position as man of the house and was very brave. It was hard to watch Jasper say goodbye to Ethan knowing he'll be almost 2 when Jasper gets back. They change so much at this age. Skylar did okay saying goodbye up until Jasper turned around to walk away. Then she lost it. She could not contain her tears and cries. I'll never forget the sadness in my sweet little 3 year old's eyes. She understood what was happening far more than anyone realized she did. The night before when Jasper was putting her to bed she also started bawling and told him "I'll be late for school tomorrow if you don't get on the plane and go to work." I've felt like if there is anyone I could relate to how sad I was it was her. At 3 and at 23 girls handle their emotions the same. It's comforting to have someone-even someone so small, to share that with. We watched the plane pull away and made our way to the car. My feet felt like concrete blocks walking through the airport because as soon as we got home "it" officially started. There is so much happening while he is gone it just was too much to process. We made it home, all climbed into bed and took a nap. Skylar was the last to wake up and woke up crying again, so I ran her a bubble bath with candles (she's never had candles before so I figured it would take her mind off of it-and it worked great!) Then all of us feeling a little better we headed off to our playgroup and enjoyed a few hours with some friends. Off we went to have lunch at my Mama's. Then to my good friend's place who lives down the street (her hubby is in Afghanistan.) She had made Transformer and Hello Kitty cupcakes for the kids and gave them little gifts to keep their spirits up. What a great friend. We had some pizza our kids played and we enjoyed some laughs. Needless to say the day was very busy and distracting. We came home and I tucked everyone in bed. All with their new stuffed animals with a special personalized voice recording from Daddy. Then the house fell very quiet. Feeling like I had done well and conquered the day better than I thought I would. I sat down and read an email from Jasper that he had sent from the Airport and I really started missing him. All of a sudden out of nowhere I started sobbing like I had never sobbed before in. my. life. I couldn't explain it. For the first time (I know that sounds crazy) it hit me how long it would be before I felt him hug me. For the first time it hit me what it was going to feel like to have our baby without him by my side. The pain in my chest went straight through my back. It literally felt like I'd been stabbed. What if something happened to him while he was over there and I never saw him again? Of course he's not at war, but the last few months we've known and known of too many people passing away unexpectedly. What if something happened to one of us and he wasn't here? These were really thoughts going through my head and it was horrible. Shaking I dialed a few close friends and fortunately couldn't get a hold of anyone (they would have called 911 to hear me crying like that. :) I quickly decided I was not going to be doing this. We were going to Germany and we were going to stay with Jasper in his tiny hotel room. All six of us no questions. I hopped on expedia did a search for plane tickets and started sobbing all over again when I saw the total. By the time I could come up with that amount, no one would let a pregnant woman so far along fly! I text my friend (the one who made the cupcakes) and she reassured me that she had spent MANY nights crying till she was throwing up-convincing me that I was not the only one who has ever felt this way about their deployed spouse. :) She told me to cry my eyes out and then to go to sleep. I did just that. 2am came and I heard Jasper's voice. Over and over again. I realized it was Sky's "Daddy bear". I went to see what was going on and I found this tiny little thing curled up in a ball face soaked in tears saying she missed Daddy. I scooped her up and couldn't believe how much this was affecting her. Never under estimate what your children can understand. She spent the night in my bed of course. It's been an emotional week for her, and she says many times a day that she misses him. Chandler also talks about him a lot and says he misses him. He told me sadly "When we talk to Daddy on the phone we can't hug him" But he really has been trying to be helpful and help me. It's very sweet to see him try to take on this role. It blesses my heart so much for him to have such a great role model and to try and be like his Daddy.
Random things/things that I'm learning since:
We've been sick and there have been sleepless nights. That's very hard to do alone when you have to be up all day taking care of small children with a smile on your face. I went 22 hours without sleep one night and then only got an hour and a half when I did end up getting to sleep. I kinda lost it at that point again (feeling sick myself.)
It's been freezing and snowing! I love it! Have you ever noticed though it's so much harder to figure out what shoes to wear in the winter?
My Dog went into heat. Seriously this might make you laugh, but it's so disgusting and I didn't want to have to deal with it. EEEEEW. The vet said $400 to get her spayed!
I'm learning how much I need to rely on God for strength. What it means to put him first before my husband and before my children. Learning to look to him for my validation and not to others.
My Mommy came and did my dishes, tidied up my living room and helped me get the kids to bed (the night after the hour and a half of sleep).
And she's also brought us dinner. :) I love her so much.
We've gotten to speak to Jasper on Skype and the phone. It's so comforting.
I'm learning what it means to be Mommy and Daddy. Learning it's not a job meant for one person and to not try to be 100% of both because I only feel disappointed in myself when I can't do it.
I'm learning to be more strict at some times and a little more lenient at others.
I don't really like to go places other than my Moms. It's easier to stay in a routine.
I've felt very sad when I see pictures of births and the moments shared together as a couple during birth. It's going to be such a bitter sweet day.
I really enjoy playing with my kiddies. Far more than I enjoy doing house work. :) I really take pride in that honestly. My house will never be perfectly clean and I don't want to try be perfect.
I will enjoy the memories spent with my kids far more than I will enjoy remembering that I parked them in front of the TV or a video game but at least my dishes were done. Granted I'd love it if I could play and have a clean house but c'mon. Lets be realistic, there are only 24 hours in one day.
On top of work Jasper has taken the time in Germany to take on full time school and will be a little over a year away from his bachelors degree when he gets back. Which means soon after he will commission to an officer.
I listened to a sermon by a youth pastor at our church that completely changed my perspective on a lot of things. The key point was:
"The storms of our lives reveal what we are really made of..." "How you ride out those storms reveal how you genuinely believe and trust in Jesus..."
listen to it here. It's one of the best sermons I've heard and will probably listen to it a few more times.
I really miss my husband. We are so close with each other and this will only bring us closer. I have no doubt. Some military families unfortunately TDY's and deployments tear them apart. I'm so thankful that we have God in our lives and that we love each other so much. Sometimes I look at us and think, how lucky are we? I'm really living a fairytale with these beautiful children and this wonderful man of God.
I'm so interested to see what happens the next 6 months. I believe God is going to be doing a lot in our lives. I can already see it happening.
I know that I've written the longest blog post EVER and I doubt anyone read it all but I just couldn't find parts that I wanted to leave out. :) I'm off to bed and I'm hoping for a good nights rest. Looking forward to talking to my hubby and hoping for a great day. I hope you have a great day also! Thanks for stopping by. :)
Looks like I've made it through what people say is the "hardest" week of a deployment. I've come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as the "hardest" week- but that's another story and completely depends on the family I suppose.
We woke up at 3:30am on Tuesday morning of last week and with very heavy hearts we drove Jasper to the Airport. We all got our "boarding passes" (they let spouses and children of people deploying through to the gate to say goodbye) and walked him to his "big jet". It was all a rush and happened so quickly that it seemed like kind of a blur to me. He wrapped his arms around me and with all my might I tried to soak in every ounce of this "last hug". The way it felt, the way he smelled, how we fit like a perfect puzzle piece. Tears burned my cheeks and I said good bye to my best friend. Chandler handled it well and was ready to take his position as man of the house and was very brave. It was hard to watch Jasper say goodbye to Ethan knowing he'll be almost 2 when Jasper gets back. They change so much at this age. Skylar did okay saying goodbye up until Jasper turned around to walk away. Then she lost it. She could not contain her tears and cries. I'll never forget the sadness in my sweet little 3 year old's eyes. She understood what was happening far more than anyone realized she did. The night before when Jasper was putting her to bed she also started bawling and told him "I'll be late for school tomorrow if you don't get on the plane and go to work." I've felt like if there is anyone I could relate to how sad I was it was her. At 3 and at 23 girls handle their emotions the same. It's comforting to have someone-even someone so small, to share that with. We watched the plane pull away and made our way to the car. My feet felt like concrete blocks walking through the airport because as soon as we got home "it" officially started. There is so much happening while he is gone it just was too much to process. We made it home, all climbed into bed and took a nap. Skylar was the last to wake up and woke up crying again, so I ran her a bubble bath with candles (she's never had candles before so I figured it would take her mind off of it-and it worked great!) Then all of us feeling a little better we headed off to our playgroup and enjoyed a few hours with some friends. Off we went to have lunch at my Mama's. Then to my good friend's place who lives down the street (her hubby is in Afghanistan.) She had made Transformer and Hello Kitty cupcakes for the kids and gave them little gifts to keep their spirits up. What a great friend. We had some pizza our kids played and we enjoyed some laughs. Needless to say the day was very busy and distracting. We came home and I tucked everyone in bed. All with their new stuffed animals with a special personalized voice recording from Daddy. Then the house fell very quiet. Feeling like I had done well and conquered the day better than I thought I would. I sat down and read an email from Jasper that he had sent from the Airport and I really started missing him. All of a sudden out of nowhere I started sobbing like I had never sobbed before in. my. life. I couldn't explain it. For the first time (I know that sounds crazy) it hit me how long it would be before I felt him hug me. For the first time it hit me what it was going to feel like to have our baby without him by my side. The pain in my chest went straight through my back. It literally felt like I'd been stabbed. What if something happened to him while he was over there and I never saw him again? Of course he's not at war, but the last few months we've known and known of too many people passing away unexpectedly. What if something happened to one of us and he wasn't here? These were really thoughts going through my head and it was horrible. Shaking I dialed a few close friends and fortunately couldn't get a hold of anyone (they would have called 911 to hear me crying like that. :) I quickly decided I was not going to be doing this. We were going to Germany and we were going to stay with Jasper in his tiny hotel room. All six of us no questions. I hopped on expedia did a search for plane tickets and started sobbing all over again when I saw the total. By the time I could come up with that amount, no one would let a pregnant woman so far along fly! I text my friend (the one who made the cupcakes) and she reassured me that she had spent MANY nights crying till she was throwing up-convincing me that I was not the only one who has ever felt this way about their deployed spouse. :) She told me to cry my eyes out and then to go to sleep. I did just that. 2am came and I heard Jasper's voice. Over and over again. I realized it was Sky's "Daddy bear". I went to see what was going on and I found this tiny little thing curled up in a ball face soaked in tears saying she missed Daddy. I scooped her up and couldn't believe how much this was affecting her. Never under estimate what your children can understand. She spent the night in my bed of course. It's been an emotional week for her, and she says many times a day that she misses him. Chandler also talks about him a lot and says he misses him. He told me sadly "When we talk to Daddy on the phone we can't hug him" But he really has been trying to be helpful and help me. It's very sweet to see him try to take on this role. It blesses my heart so much for him to have such a great role model and to try and be like his Daddy.
Random things/things that I'm learning since:
We've been sick and there have been sleepless nights. That's very hard to do alone when you have to be up all day taking care of small children with a smile on your face. I went 22 hours without sleep one night and then only got an hour and a half when I did end up getting to sleep. I kinda lost it at that point again (feeling sick myself.)
It's been freezing and snowing! I love it! Have you ever noticed though it's so much harder to figure out what shoes to wear in the winter?
My Dog went into heat. Seriously this might make you laugh, but it's so disgusting and I didn't want to have to deal with it. EEEEEW. The vet said $400 to get her spayed!
I'm learning how much I need to rely on God for strength. What it means to put him first before my husband and before my children. Learning to look to him for my validation and not to others.
My Mommy came and did my dishes, tidied up my living room and helped me get the kids to bed (the night after the hour and a half of sleep).
And she's also brought us dinner. :) I love her so much.
We've gotten to speak to Jasper on Skype and the phone. It's so comforting.
I'm learning what it means to be Mommy and Daddy. Learning it's not a job meant for one person and to not try to be 100% of both because I only feel disappointed in myself when I can't do it.
I'm learning to be more strict at some times and a little more lenient at others.
I don't really like to go places other than my Moms. It's easier to stay in a routine.
I've felt very sad when I see pictures of births and the moments shared together as a couple during birth. It's going to be such a bitter sweet day.
I really enjoy playing with my kiddies. Far more than I enjoy doing house work. :) I really take pride in that honestly. My house will never be perfectly clean and I don't want to try be perfect.
I will enjoy the memories spent with my kids far more than I will enjoy remembering that I parked them in front of the TV or a video game but at least my dishes were done. Granted I'd love it if I could play and have a clean house but c'mon. Lets be realistic, there are only 24 hours in one day.
On top of work Jasper has taken the time in Germany to take on full time school and will be a little over a year away from his bachelors degree when he gets back. Which means soon after he will commission to an officer.
I listened to a sermon by a youth pastor at our church that completely changed my perspective on a lot of things. The key point was:
"The storms of our lives reveal what we are really made of..." "How you ride out those storms reveal how you genuinely believe and trust in Jesus..."
listen to it here. It's one of the best sermons I've heard and will probably listen to it a few more times.
I really miss my husband. We are so close with each other and this will only bring us closer. I have no doubt. Some military families unfortunately TDY's and deployments tear them apart. I'm so thankful that we have God in our lives and that we love each other so much. Sometimes I look at us and think, how lucky are we? I'm really living a fairytale with these beautiful children and this wonderful man of God.
I'm so interested to see what happens the next 6 months. I believe God is going to be doing a lot in our lives. I can already see it happening.
I know that I've written the longest blog post EVER and I doubt anyone read it all but I just couldn't find parts that I wanted to leave out. :) I'm off to bed and I'm hoping for a good nights rest. Looking forward to talking to my hubby and hoping for a great day. I hope you have a great day also! Thanks for stopping by. :)
Saturday, October 10, 2009
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